The Optimal Bedtime

I’m a big advocate for children going to bed early. Looking back, I wish I had started this practice sooner. It still stings when I think about how late my older daughter often went to bed as an infant.

Why Early to Bed?

We all have a built-in circadian rhythm that controls when we feel sleepy and when we want to be awake. This internal clock begins developing at birth and, by 3–4 months of age, is mature enough to work with to support healthy sleep patterns.

When your circadian rhythm tells you it’s time to be awake, it’s harder to fall asleep—and if you do, the sleep is less restorative. Similarly, when your circadian rhythm signals sleepiness, it’s hard to stay awake and alert. For children, this natural rhythm often makes them tired between 6:00–8:00 PM. This is the ideal time to start a calming bedtime routine that ends with your child falling asleep.

If your child goes to sleep at this optimal time, it’s easier for them to fall asleep, they’re more likely to sleep well and for longer, and they’ll wake up feeling refreshed.

The Physiology of Sleep

Children’s sleep cycles shift throughout the night. During the first part of the night, they experience longer cycles filled with deep, restorative sleep. In the second part of the night, especially after 3:00 AM, their sleep becomes lighter and cycles shorter. This deep sleep before midnight is crucial for physical and mental restoration, ensuring your child wakes up refreshed the next morning.

Benefits of Early Bedtimes

Putting your child to bed early allows them to:

• Fall asleep more easily, as their body naturally calls for sleep.
• Experience fewer bedtime struggles and night wakings.
• Sleep longer at night and wake up well-rested.
• Take longer and more consistent naps during the day.

It’s also a win for parents. An early bedtime means quiet evenings to recharge and nurture your relationships—moments that are worth their weight in gold. When children sleep early, “witching hour” tantrums decrease or disappear, the home becomes calmer, and weekends are more enjoyable as everyone is rested.

But Won’t My Child Wake Up Earlier?

Many parents worry that putting their child to bed earlier will result in earlier wake-ups. However, it’s often the opposite. When children go to bed early, they get better-quality sleep, making it easier to fall asleep independently and stay asleep, even during the lighter morning sleep cycles.

If your child goes to bed too late, it can lead to a vicious cycle:

1. They become overtired, and their body produces cortisol to stay awake.
2. This makes it harder to fall asleep and results in lighter, disrupted sleep.
3. They wake up tired and irritable, disrupting naps and the daily routine.
4. The fatigue-driven irritability peaks in the evening, making bedtime even more challenging.

Breaking this cycle starts with an early bedtime, allowing your child to sleep better and wake up refreshed.

What Is the Best Bedtime?

You may wonder when your child’s ideal bedtime is. I recommend a bedtime between 6:00–8:00 PM, depending on your child’s age and how they’ve napped during the day. For children under 8 weeks old, bedtime can be more flexible, but after that, consider moving it earlier.

To preserve restorative sleep, I suggest having your child in bed no later than 8:00 PM.

Challenges of an Early Bedtime

Of course, early bedtimes can have their inconveniences. You may need to be home early, which can feel restrictive, especially when attending dinner parties or evening events.

Here’s how I manage this:

• If family or friends invite us to dinner, we schedule it early so the kids can still go to bed on time.
• For child-free dinner parties, it’s convenient to have the children asleep when the babysitter arrives.
• For socializing with kids, we opt for brunch instead of dinner, when everyone is fresh and happy.

After all, bringing overtired children to a late dinner party isn’t enjoyable for anyone.

Want more help with your child's sleep?
My online course, The Baby Sleep Blueprint: A Proven, Gentle Method to End Sleepless Nights, contains everything you need to help your child learn to sleep well.
https://www.sleepeatlove.is/The-Baby-Sleep-Blueprint