Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is a normal part of children's development during their first months and years. This can be a challenging period for both the child and the parent, but it’s important to remind yourself that this is a natural and positive milestone. It signifies that you have formed a strong bond with your child and that they feel safe and secure in your presence.

While separation anxiety can happen at any age, it’s most common around 9, 12, 18, and 24 months. It can also occur during significant changes, such as starting daycare, a parent returning to work, the arrival of a younger sibling, moving to a new home, or other transitions.

How Does Separation Anxiety Manifest?

Separation anxiety can show up in different ways, but it often includes:

• Your child becoming more clingy.
• Distress when you leave their sight.
• Preferring one parent over the other.
• Crying when left with a caregiver or at daycare.
• Protesting at bedtime or calling for you during the night.

These behaviors are perfectly normal. Our role as parents is to provide love and security, help children adjust to changes, and reassure them that we will always return when we need to leave.

How Can I Help My Child Through Separation Anxiety?

There are several ways you can support your child during this phase and create a sense of security:

1. Stay Calm

If your child is very upset, it’s natural to feel frustrated or overwhelmed. However, staying calm and positive helps your child feel safe and reassured. They will sense that everything is okay and that there’s no need to worry.

2. Stick to a Routine

A predictable daily routine and a calming bedtime routine can help your child feel secure and settled. Consistency creates a sense of safety.

3. Say Goodbye and Good Night

It might seem easier to sneak away while your child is calm, but this can increase their anxiety. Always say goodbye when you leave and good night before bed. This teaches your child that you will always return and reduces their fear of sudden disappearances. Keep these moments short and reassuring.

4. Provide Comfort

Offer comfort when your child needs it, whether during the day or night. Let them know they are safe and that you’ll always come back. If your child has learned to sleep independently, providing extra support doesn’t mean undoing progress. You can offer reassurance without reverting to old sleep habits like rocking them to sleep. Sometimes, your presence is enough—be clear, firm, and loving.

5. Explain What’s Happening

Even if your child isn’t speaking yet, they can understand a lot. Explain when you need to leave and let them know you’ll be back. For example, you can say, “I’ll be back after lunch” or “When I come back, we’ll read a book together.” This helps your child visualize your return. At bedtime, reassure them that you are close by while they sleep.

6. Spend One-on-One Time

Dedicate 10–20 minutes each day to undivided attention with your child. Let them take the lead in choosing the activity, and focus completely on being present. Quality time reassures your child of your connection.

7. Be Patient

It may take time for your child to move through this phase. Stay consistent with your routines and boundaries, while offering positivity and support.

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